Sunday thoughts

February, 2012

When I would hear someone say it will get easier with time when you lose someone special to you….. I wondered to  myself if there was any truth to that..Now, in my life, where I am 1 1/2 years after Mother died,  I am determined never to say that to someone who has lost a loved one…. These are not words of comfort… Easier to forget? Easier to not think about them each day? Just what gets easier?

You  have to go through this and figure it all out for yourself. I am sure of the fact that everyone grieves differently.  Yes, there are days when you don`t think about them, don`t remember back to times when they were with you, because let`s face it, life gets busy…. You can`t live in the past, you can`t dwell on the past… I know that, but my heart is still having a hard time with the whole thing. We are all moving ahead and I am so thankful for all of my blessings that the Lord continues to shower down on my family but every once in a while, you just want to go back and remember….. Today didn`t start out to be that kind of day…. but it just happened……

At church, David was talking about when faith is hard and the burden is heavy. Is it OK to doubt?  Doubt is natural within faith. It arises within the context of faith. Even in our doubt, God is certain to meet us exactly where we are.
The anatomy of doubt is 1. difficult situations, 2. unmet expectations and 3 limited perception.
The answer to doubt is…1. Biblical revelation, the Word of God… He is always true to His Word
2. joyful submission, ” Blessed is the one who trusts in God”, this is promised to us.

This sermon reminded me of our journey with Mother, reminded me of several of my good friends who are going through similar walks right now, reminded me of people who have loved ones in the hospital who will never get to come home, reminded me of those who lost everything to storms or even those who have lost their jobs… Whether we have gone through trials, are going through trials now or will go through hard times in the future, this was a great lesson from His word today… Jesus gives all He has to us. The invitation to us when faith is hard and the burden is heavy is to repent of sin, renounce  yourself, rest in Christ and rejoice forever in HIM!!!

As I get home, I text Brent a ‘Happy Anniversary ” message.. I don`t think he would care if I share, and he probably won`t even  read this, but he texted me back that the day started out a bit teary.  “What do you have to cry about?” is my response.(Half teasing cause you never know with him if he is serious or not!)… then….he says… “We were reminded of something we had given Gaga.”  OH….. enough said…. I said the Motherly “words”….”you know how much she loved you and how special you were to her”. And ” what great memories you have with her”….. but those are just words, empty words out of my mouth. He knows all of that already….  Of all the family, Brent and now Lacy, are the ones who live daily with her memory.  They live where she did for 54 years. As we move ahead, they are there each day with her house. I wonder to myself , and smile, when I think about all those special times that Brent had over there with Mother, …. how God must have been smiling then … knowing that one day, he would be there in her house…… living with his new bride… We had no idea but He knew, He planned it even back then.

It was all in His timing….. when Mother died, the older married grandchildren already had their homes, Lara was still in college and Reed and Lindsey will not need a home of their own, for a long time.  But Brent….. he was engaged with a wedding just two months down the road after she died.  How perfectly He planned this and how grateful we all were that her house would remain in the family. Even as they have painted and changed things around the house to be theirs now, she is still there with them in their hearts, just as she is with all of us.

When I come home this afternoon, I was in the kitchen doing some baking for this week, and I pull out a recipe of banana bread, her recipe. As I am cooking it, I remember times when she would be making it with us growing up and even as  we would be there visiting in later years….. I can still see her bringing it out of the oven, cutting it and putting a slice of butter on it as it was still hot, to serve to us in the kitchen. Sweet Mother, she loved to cook. Thankful that I have those recipes to use, as well as those memorie of her cooking and using them….

I keep a birthday card in my Bible that she gave me one year and love to open it up to see her handwriting….” Happy Birthday, I love you so much, Mom (and Tom too!)’
We all have cards like that cause that is just what she did. Never did she miss a chance to say, I love you, to any of us. Today, as I am at church, I flip over and find the card. She is there, once again, in the midst of the sermon…. she is with me.

In our doubt, in our trials,  will  God  meet us exactly where we are? absolutely…. .
So….. in conclusion…. time heals… sure it does, time makes it easier…. maybe so…   but time will never erase the love that was so freely given to all who knew our sweet Gaga.  We will always remember…. and time will never erase the love that God gave us so freely, when he sent His son to die for us, for our sin,… We serve a risen Savior, how blessed we are to be able to say that!!

Happy 1st Anniversary, Brent and Lacy, what a special day. She would be so happy to see how you have made her home, your special home.

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