NOW was the time…. the melt down came from no where, but it hit me like a brick wall. My scarves,, most of my favorite ones at that, were lost and probably on the ship in the drawer where I had lovingly laid them when I unpacked… and probably in the drawer that for some unknown reason, I had not checked when I hurridly packed up to leave…
I have tried very hard these last few years to rid myself of stuff. It has been a slow process to say the least. Not only is my “stuff” ready to be gone through, but as I was going through Mother`s “stuff”, I couldn`t part with some of it so I brought it over to my house to mingle with my “stuff”!!
Of course, most of the combining was done in secret, when Tom was at work or away, cause if he saw any more “stuff” making its way over here, it would not make him very happy, no matter the meaning behind it!! Our basement has filled up with “stuff” from not only us but as the children grow and move out, their “stuff” ends up in boxes down there..
. Like I said, it has been a slow process. I try to go through a few things at a time. Some days are easier to do than others. Some days, the memories of the “stuff” come flooding down, and I have to shed a tear or two as I relive them in my mind. Much of Mother`s stuff that I brought over has memories of me being with her when she bought it. Nope, not ready to get rid of those yet, I tell myself…. As I am thinking about this “stuff” and trying to at least make an attempt to go through part of it, I am reminded that God plans our ways ahead of time. He knew that I would be right here in the middle of this “Stuff”, trying to find new homes for much of it…. It is with that in my mind, always, in my mind, that I almost had a mini melt down this week…
Tom and I just went on a wonderful trip, were gone 12 days, and even got some more “stuff” to add to our ever growing collection. But God had plans to teach me a very good lesson, a reminder of this extra “stuff” that I have collected is not what is important. I will always love the memories that come with these things, but they are not what gives me eternal happiness. The memories will always be with me. The “Stuff” is a pleasure that is short lived here on earth…. So, back to the melt down….
. It was Monday morning, we had gotten back home on Sunday night, and as usual for me, I like to just unwind and sit for a bit then…… unpack and put away. That unpacking part might even take place the next morning, but what the heck…. does that really matter in the greater scheme of life? Tom, on the other hand immediately unpacks and puts things away, dirty clothes in the washer then, he sits. That is why we get along so well…. opposites attract, right?!!
If I had done it Sunday night, like him, my melt down would have happened on Sunday night and wouldn`t have been quite as enjoyable as having it Monday morning, all by myself, with no one to witness! As I put my things away and dirty clothes in the washer, it hadn`t hit me yet… But shortly afterwards, as I got dressed and went to get my new scarf that I had just gotten a few weeks ago from Gap, one of those new wrap scarves that I had quickly added to my favorite scarf list….. it happened….
I went to my scarf drawer, opened it, looked all around but by then, I was already feeling a sinking in my stomach… I know I am getting older and I know that I don`t remember quite as good as I used to, so I gave myself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I had put my collection of scarves that I took with me, in the closet with some of my t-shirts…
NOPE, not there… or…. maybe I had put them in the wrong drawer with my pants… NOPE, not there… I got it!! Maybe I had left them in the side pocket of the suitcase that we had already taken upstairs to the attic…………
NOPE NOT IN ANY OF THE SIDE POCKETS OF ANY OF THE SUITCASES THAT WE HAD TAKEN!!!!
LOST!! Lost and already back out to sea heading back to who knows where… You see, not only do I love scarves… I feel like it is a love that I shared with Mother. She loved them too… they make me feel special, to compliment an ordinary outfit or even with jeans and a t-shirt, I love to add a scarf. It reminds me of her…. and when I realized I had lost them, it just brought tears, that almost a part of her was lost too.
Silly, I know, I know, like I said, it was a melt down and I don`t really have them often, so I don`t know what causes them or why, but this one felt real enough to me to make me very sad… I called Tom to get a little sympathy… he told me to call the crown and anchor office to report it to the lost and found. I know that was the thing to do.. Guess I expected him to be as upset as me and drop all he was doing and call for me, to explain my situation to someone who would care and tell me they had been found. WRONG…. I called, MYSELF, talked to someone who probably hears these sob stories everyday, and got very little hope of bringing my scarves home. But to make me happy, I am sure that was her job to do, she took the information down and said someone would call me next week.
NEXT WEEK? couldn`t they find out today? How much trouble would it be for them to call the ship, talk to our steward and find out what he had done with the scarves?!!! NOPE… that is not how it works… So, I politely said, “Thank you for your help” and am waiting until my given time to call back and see if my “Stuff” has been found.
God used this to bring me back to His word. Those scarves are really important to me, I will miss them but they can be replaced, if they have to. Don`t get me wrong, if they are found, I will be one happy lady, but, if they are not found, I will still wake up tomorrow, God willing, and I will still live my life, feeling very blessed to have the Hope in Christ that I will be with Him one day, whether I get my scarves back or not. It is not the “Stuff” that should make us happy, but what we have in our hearts that will last for eternity , that is important. So, tonight, I thank you, Lord, for reminding me that if we lose “Stuff” or whether we have so much that we are overwhelmed and give some away, that is alright. Thank you for the reminder that You are all I need..