Today, all of a sudden, I had an overwhelming moment where I missed my Mother. . These times just come out of no where.
A few days ago, I found an old book where she had spoken into it and it recorded her voice telling the story. My sister and I commented, as we listened, that we don`t ever want to forget her voice, but it is getting harder to remember as the years go by …. It has been almost 6 years, and yet when I stumble upon a memory, it is as if she is still there at her house, waiting for me to call her in the morning to see how they are.
My friend told me yesterday how much she is missing her mom and it has been two years for her…Just like a good friend, I sympathized with her, saying she would always have that hole in her heart, but that we know how wonderful it is for them now in the presence of Jesus, and that for sure makes us happy.
So true, those words, and I do know and believe that if they could choose to come back, they would not want to, but would want to continue to just to bask in His presence and wait for the rest of us to join them. I know that… but oh my heart….. those memories that keep her alive in my heart, are the very memories that I long to relive.
I am not a little girl, but a grown woman, with grown children of my own and even grandchildren, and yet I still miss her…. Reminds me of the saying from Winnie the Pooh that I love, “How lucky I am to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard” Truly, so hard..
So, what started this for me today was my art room. Oh, my beloved art room. I clean it up one week then work on projects from time to time, pulling things out and rearranging other things, and stacking things into new piles and on and on… Today, my sweet husband came up there with me to help me put up this new easel that I had gotten from the kids for my birthday. It had been sitting up there, just waiting for me to figure out how to put it together and wondering where I would put it to work on it. So, I mentioned to him that I needed help, and he went on up there to see how to do it. Two hours later, it is finished, and up in the corner waiting for plastic drop cloths to be placed under it so paint will go on there instead of the rug…. And waiting for its first practice time with me. LOL!!
But as he was working… I hated for him to be there by himself in my room, so I went and began to clean up a bit, well more than a bit, I pulled things out and tried to throw away, and reorganize. In doing that, I came across a big box that I had pushed back in a shelf, I am sure, years ago, and had not noticed or pulled it out in years. As I pulled it out and opened it, Oh my heart…… I opened the tiny boxes carefully and my mind went back years ago, when Mother had made these very fragile egg ornaments.
She had three or four started but not glittered yet, and little boxes of supplies that she used, all stacked away neatly in this big box.
I wanted so bad, not to cry. I tried not to…. I wanted to just pack it up , put it back on the shelf and finish my task in there. By now, the easel was done and Tom had left, so, I gave myself a moment, to relive those days, so close to Christmas, as she would show me what she had been working on for months, to give away for presents. She worked all year, to have special things, handmade things, to share with friends and family. I took a picture and sent it to my daughter in law, who also shares the love of egg ornaments, and all the special handmade things mother made. She made some herself, years ago after she and Tommy married and before children… that I treasure. So, I shared the picture with Rebecca, who was very excited to see my find.
I did shed a few tears, but not so much sadness but tears of gratitude ….for those times with her and memories that would be with me always. Yes, as I told my friend, we will always miss them. Does it get easier? I haven`t figured that out yet, but these times don`t come as frequent. She lives in my heart, He fills that hole with His presence and those gifts He gives me, out of nowhere of my sweet mother.
As I am finishing up ,I text Rebecca to say I am saving it for when they come visit and spend the night so we can look at it…. I get a text from her, excited, saying she hopes we have time to pull it out to play with so Heston can help. He loves projects! Yay!! happy heart now. as I anticipate new memories and the egg projects to be passed down to a new generation to cherish.
Also, thankful for my new easel!!! thanks, Tom, for assembling it for me and thanks, Tom, Rebecca and boys, for my birthday gift!!
In closing , let me reiterate how good God is…. In the midst of things as I am going through them, I come across a card with the caption, “You are in my heart forever” as I open and read, it is a poem on a Blue Mountain arts card. I read the first few pages, then the last page, so relevant to my post, says, “My dreams for your life may not always be the same ones you seek. But one thing remains the same, your happiness will always be my greatest treasure. I know now that the true miracle of that first touch lies in one simple truth….. even though your hand may slip away from mine, we will hold each other in our hearts FOREVER”…. and she underlined “forever”…… So with that, I take great comfort… that He was reminding me of my heart and what it holds…..
Happy Saturday and new week!!